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  Doctor: Kya taklif hai? Petient: Sote waqt SAAS ko lene me taqlif hoti hai. Doc:
Aaj se dus din sote vaqt SAAS ko nahi SAALI ko lo !



    Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.



    PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu



    MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha



    MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?



   One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.



  A couple wanted khatna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS



  Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving, Husband: please slow down the speed of car.  Wife: No ;please. No; please No please No pls.. Husband: the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of exident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh...



  MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha



  Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother
Santa: Very long



  In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it's loss or profit? student: Profit in rupees & loss in paise



    A MAN: U cheated me. Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u. MAN: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all Radio PAKISTAN!



    Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U! Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.



    An old rich man marries a young girl. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha? Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.



    Ik raat bahuu ne kisi gair merd ke saath guzari, mager saas ne kush na kaha, bhala kiun, kiun ke saas bhi kabi Bahu thiiiiiiiii



    AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,
at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,
at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,
at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other



    Once a chunti saw a dali of Gur , she went to eat it, but on the way she saw a muscular chunta,she left the gur and went to chunta,because, GUR NALO ISHQUE MITHA, oyehoy



    Banta Sing! u get marry with Santa after my death, Wife!, but why? He is ur no 1 enemy,Banta!, this is only way to take revenge with santa sing



    Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.



  My wife ran away with my best friend.
To tell you the truth, I really miss him.



  What do you call a wife who is sexy,
caring, never jealous and a great cook?
ANSWER : A rumour!



    Mother to Teenage Daughter : "I think its time that we should talk about SEX."
Daughter : "Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?



    what's common between the SUN & WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?
1) both are hott
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night............



    Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer



    After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn't notice"



    Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye



    Husband to a newly wed Wife.I could go to the end of the worldfor u,, wife thanks, but promise me u will stay there



    A boy and gal of 5th class asked teacher "kya chote bachoon ke bhi bache hoote
hain"? teacher nahin kabhi nahin " boy said to girl-dekha aur tu aise hi dar rahi thi".



    Musharraf said to his mother.  Ammi mari B.V , M.M.A walon sey meli hoi hai!  Jab bhe kamray main jata hoon kehti hai wardi utaro



  75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don't know anything and an old man hav 4gotten evrythng.



  Girls Hostel ki light chali gayi.
Ek ladki ne electric office me phone karke kaha:
Light chali gayi hai, aadmi bhejo.
Replied "Aadmi nahi hai, mombatti se kaam chala lo



    A Wife is sleeping in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: "Get up quickly my hasband is here!!!"
the man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himslef and then realizes "Damn, I am the hasband!!!"
Who's guilty in the situation?????????????



    Best SMS of the year- a Mother makes her son "INTELLIGENT" in 20 Years, but a girl makes him STUPID in 2 minutes



    A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,whichthe father receives as:"father, your daughter has been successful in BED." 



    in chemistry class teacher asked a girl:what r Nitrates?Girl answered shyly:nights rates r high then day ..!



    Judge-y did u attack tat young man?
Old lady- he grabbed me, took my clothes off, threw me on d bed & shouted APRIL FOOL!



    Can U name FIVE Great KINGS who have brought HAPPINESS into PEOPLES LIVES??
ANSWER: "drin-KING, smo-KING, lic-KING, suc-KING & ofcourse fucKING



    Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya, Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?
Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hain



    1986 ke girl; Mama jeans pehen lon
Mom;Na baiti log kiya kahen gay.
2006 ke girl;Mama mini skirt pehen lon
Mom; pehen baiti kuch to pehen.............



    How Do U Tell To UR Girlfriend If U Want 2 go 2 Toilet During Dinner? Darling,I've 2 Shake Hands with a Close friend of MIne Whom I'm Going 2 introduce 2 u Later



  Santa: What is the weather like ?  Banta: I do not know it is so foggy that i cannot see.



    Boy: Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?  Father: Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother Because i still have mine.



    Q: Know what the difference between in laws and outlaws is ?  Ans: Outlaws are wanted!



    Ques: What did the valentine card say to the stamp ?  Ans: Stick with me and we will go to lots of places!



    Company offered Rs.500 for each money saving idea submitted by its employees. First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to Rs.250.



   Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Santa: That is great, I will take two of them.



    Ques: What did the gangsters son tell his dad when he failed his examination ? Ans: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but i never told them anything.



    Doc: Your fee is more then we get paid for medical care.  Mechanic : You always have the same model but we have to keep up to date with new models every year.



    Ques: Did you hear about the blonde who was tap dancing? Ans: She broke her ankle when he fell into the sink.



    Mom: Where are you off to now? Son: I am gonna join the army. Mom: But legally you are only an infant. Son: That is all right, I am going to Join the Infantry.



  Boss: I will give you 3000 Per month and in three months, I will raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start? Santa: In three months.



    A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. Anything new at work? He replied, No, I am teaching History.



    Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann't smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn't mean you start fucking here.



    Teacher: 3 girls are walking in the road. Turn the sentence in to exclamitory.
student: WOW!



    Teacher:"Now,children,if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,wht virtue wuld I be showing?"
Student:"Brotherly love



   PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot
Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin...



    A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy says thanks for the warning!



    World's Smallest resignation letter?
Respected sir,
                   I luv ur wife



    Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn`t come back yet!
Santa: Why don`t u cook something else.



    Man said passionately: Will you marry me? My father is a millionaire and 93 years old.
He is going to die soon and then I shall be very very rich. What do you say? She said nothing but a week later, she became his mother!



  Three Ways of fast Communication
1: Television
2: Telephone
3: Tell-a-women



    BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy



    Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "You will go to jail".



    Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.



    Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll
After mariage beautiful Doll
After 1 year nice Doll
After 2 Years only Doll  Copyright
& After 3 Years panaDoll



   Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!! 



    Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? 
Rizwan: Phone karte waqt



    Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne
Hello kiya,
Wife- koun thi wo?
Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.



    Subjiwala: madam ye 500 ka
note blouse se nikala hai kya?
Madam: hann par kaise laga?
Subjiwala: gandhiji ka muh
abhi bhi khula hua hai!



  Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS ‘CHILD’ or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!



  terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.



    terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers… and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene… plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.



  womens r like internet virus 1st they enter ur life scan urs pockets transfer money edit ur mind download thier problems delete ur smile and hang ur life from ss



    2day is a mobile day so plz open ur mobile cover & remove battery & dip in soap water apply candhana & kumkum 2 sim card & say “govinda govinda”



    behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man...



    A job in Railways. Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the headlight of the Engine
is not working, you have to run infront of
the train with a torch, So hurry up...
wish u all the best



  BREAKING NEWS..~Bazar-e-Hussun MeinAag lag gayee, Raat gaye Fire Brigade Ka
ammlay ne Aag per qabooo pa liya,Magar ammlay per qabooo abhi tak nahi paya ja



  Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte



  Why women love gold more than men? Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.



What is the difference between secretary & private secretary? Ans: secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR & private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR.



  Munna:  Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit:  Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna:  Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai



    A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. After a while they broke up and he wanted it back. The girl threw a pad at him and said. i'll pay u back in monthly instalments.



class me teacher lacture de raha tha, bachon ne dekha us ki zip khuli hui hai, bachay hansne lagay,
Teacher: kyun hans rahe ho, ab agar hansay ko bahir nikaal ke khara ker dunga



    A 90 yr old man started making love with his 85 yr wife, he started sucking her breats and after few seconds the man expired, GUESS WHY?
Autoposy Report : death due to expired milk.



    Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi



    Last nite i had a dream abt U... I saw tht v both were gettig married on the same day... Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not... I asked GOD: Why it is so??? GOD replied: "BALANCE OF NATURE"...!!!



    A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.



    Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna



    A man forgot to zip up.So a lady tells him:U LEFT yr GARAGE open.Man asks:DID U C MY BLACK MERC parked INSIDE?No,she said JUST A MINI COOPER with a FLAT TIRE



  wife -  suniye kya aap kitchen se garam masala la kar aayenge
husband -  magar yahan to nahin hai
wife-- mujha pata tha tumha nahin mila ge is liya main pehla se le aayi baghwan !!!!!!!!!



  costomer- whose eggs is this
shopkeeper - its mine
costomer - ok so give me one dozen of chicken s eggs



    Boy 2 girl - kya tum mere sath dance karogi.
Girl reply - me bacche ke sath dance nahi karti.
Boy - Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho



  bhagwaan sabse zyada khush kab hota hay
us waqt jab kisi ladki ki izzat lutt
rahi ho or woh chilla rahi hoo
bhagwan ke liye mujhe chordo



    Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."  The boss says:"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."  2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."



    FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level.



    STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.






    Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a best seller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl



    Happiest man is on whose,
daughter's photograph is on femina cover,
son on india today,
girlfriend on playboy,
WIFE on missing coloumn of newspaper



  Thought for the Days!!!
if you call your mother as MUM...
What will you call Mother's younger
sis and elder sis?



  Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.



    Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg . Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad



  boy says to girl main tum ko without tuch kiya kiss karoo ga ....girl says ye to ho hi nahi sakta....boy says to lag hai 20 20 rupay ki .... girl says ok....boy kissed girl titely....girl says tum ne to mujay tuch kiya hai .....boy say ye loo 20 rupay



  Newtons First Law of ishq
the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite, to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals



    Newtons First Law of Ishq
a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl, in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, untill on unless, any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy.



    Bus Me 1 Khusra,Or us ki back side par, Ek baba ji thay.... Pechy se kisi sharir larke ne.. Khusray ko ungli charha di, Or khud pechy hat gya .... Khusray nay pichy mur kar baby se kaha, Baba ji main sadky Ay miss call tusi diti ay? Baby nay apni DOTI utha kar kaar kaha, Nahi Ballo! Mera tey Balance ei khatam Ay !



    Teacher: what do u wish to do in future ?
Ali : I want 2 b pilot.
Hasan : Iwant 2 b docter
sana I want 2 b mother
Abid : !want 2 help



    Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy.



    Girlfriend:Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend:Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.



2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon. mera malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na. to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..



  Explain The word "AUTOMATICALLY"
....Nahe pata
i'll xplain... ager koi ganji ladki auto mein bethi ho
to use kehte hain auto_mein_takli



    Wife: Zara dheere karo na kyun TezGaam chala rahe ho ? Maalgaadi chalao na.....................
Itne mein beta bed se neeche gira aur bola.........
Behanchod jo marji chalao par sawari ko to mat girao



  Teacher: "LOVE" kia Hai
Ali: Sir "L" ko pakar k "O" ko duba k "V" main Ghusa k jab "E" ki Awaz aye to usay "LOVE" kehtay hain.



  Just imagine life without GIRLS
the result === markets silent, streets empty, the police at rest, All mobile companies in loss, No SMS, No flowers, No candles, No perfumes, No travelling



    did u know what is mean by MAN
and the word WOMAN mean is



    one day dog dancing madly on the merage of lion lion ask y r u dancing madly dog said i am also lion before merrage....



    Husband:"Darling years ago u had a figure like a Coke bottle."
Wife:"Yes darling I still do but the only difference is earlier it was300ml and now it's 1.5 liter






    Girlfriend:Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend:Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.



Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so farr !!



  Teacher:Bachon wada kro kabhi sharab,cigrette nahi piyo ge
Bachey:Nahi piyenge
Teacher:Girls ka peecha nai karoge
Bachey:Nahi karenge
Teacher:Unn par awaaze nai kaso ge
Bachey: nahi kasenge
Teacher:Watan par zindigi qurbaan karo ge
Bachey:Kardenge,aesi zindigi ka karna bhi kya hai..



    3 Fastest means of communication
1 : Tele-Phone
2 : Tele-Vision
3 : Tell-a-women
Need still faster? Tell her not 2 tell any1...



  Wife:Suno j i mujhe new brazier lenaa hai
Husband:Brazier ki kya zarorat hai itne chotay chotay tu haim.(Copyright
Wife:kal tumne underwear liya mai kuch boli.......



    Newtons Law of Romance



    kal main ne hawksbay per dekkha, 4 addmi ne eik saat sumander main chalang lagaye magar sirf eik ke baal gheley howe. ye kase mumkin hai
baqi 3 ganje they



    Tumhary saath kia masla hai?
har wakt pregnent rehti ho
jab bhi tumhain sms kia, tumhari delivery report aa jati hai.



    Q........Y do girls dont put mobile phones n their BRA?
A.........Bcoz Vibration convert milk into Lassi..



    always keep a picture of ur wife in ur wallet look at it when u r in trouble u will feel that other problems r not as big as this one



    lady drinking coke, machar falls in .
lady take it out ,
machar says ;maaa
lady ask why u did u call me maaaa
machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaa



  girl:if u will try to kiss me ,
mien shor macha don gi,
boy:laikan yahan tu door door tak koi nahien hay.
girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi



  A Nurse come in Doc's Room.
Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt?
Nurse ans: Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use.



    a baby boy & baby girl making bath in bath tab.
baby Girl saw down of boy and asked.
can i touch your peen,
you have already broken your own



  Pledge of BOYS - India is our nation,girls r our destination, dating is our occupation, flirting is our proffesion,to hell with education...



    Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao...



    Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke, Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki, Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi, Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai.



    8 years boy caught in RAPE case. Lady lawyer holds his penis & says UR HONOUR see him, can he RAPE? Boy silently: HILA MAT WARNA CASE HAAR JAYEGI



    Class main ek larki biskit kha rahi thi thora kha k breziar ma chupa liya,
Sir ne pucha ye kya kr rahi ho sat wala bola dood ma dabo dabo k kha rahe hai.



    Teacher, billi k itnay saray bachay kun hotay hain?
student, miss agar aap bhi kapray uttar kar bahir ghoomain to aap k us se bhi ziada hon gay



    Man: please give me black colour condom
shopkeeper:why black colour condom????
man:my friend's dead so i want to share the sadness with his wife tomorrow night



  Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....
ghar ke sab khilone chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.



  Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din nayi nayi to milti.



    aik larki darzi ki dukan pa jati hai aur pochti hai, G yah galay miltay hain?Darzi:waisay galay miltay tou nahi hain laykin ap kahti hain tou mil laytay hain.



  Girl to Mom: "Is it true that Babies come out from the same place where Boys put their P---S?"
Mom: "Yes"
Girl: "Wow! My Baby will come out from my mouth"

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